Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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