I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
