i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We're too hungover to prance.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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