he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
