Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
