Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
