Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
