Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
