capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
