If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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