so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
