it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
