He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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