why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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