I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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