I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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