i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
