I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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