just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
