I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
