so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
