I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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