Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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