Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
