ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do vagina's smell?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
