it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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