It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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