I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
