Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
