WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
