fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
