life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
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I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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