"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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