this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
