whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
