So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
