Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
