Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
