so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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