Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
