dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
