So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
