so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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