so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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