What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Dear god my vagina.
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