I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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