just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
