So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
