so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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