why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
