Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
