i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
