whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
