It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
