i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
