I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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