I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
