I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
