It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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