you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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