i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
