totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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