I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize