i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
