She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have feelings that need drinking.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
