I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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